and I honestly don't know what to say.
Just seeing her again brought back so many memories.... I was trying not to cry, but that didn't work out so well x'D:::
But I didn't just cry because I missed her like crazy (which I did).
I cried my eyes out in the car as we left because I realized how much I missed my childhood and all the happiness I had. Syd was basically the highlight of my life, and it really hit me hard when we changed schools. I was so depressed... I'd known her so long that I didn't know how to be close to anyone else. I still don't. It's almost like I'm afraid to.
But that's only part of it. Our Cornerstone friend Haley came to visit too, and she kept talking about how awful her public school is.. How druggies run rampant and nobody smiles, like the school itself has some dark aura about it. She was so upset about it, it's only natural for Sydney to recommend her awesome private school Mt. Paran. It really is a great school. She was just telling us how non-cliquey and accepting everyone is, and how even the color guard of 30 people does practically everything together. Their art teacher is amazing, too. He's like a wise and encouraging father-figure, and if that wasn't enough already, not a day goes by when someone does something amazing, like run halfway across a field to help someone carry some stools.
I cried because I missed her, and I cried out of grief for myself.
Mt. Paran seems like everything I could ask for in a school and then some, yet I can't have it.
I'm really glad Haley will get to go. She needs a school like that after all she's been through...I just can't help feeling a little cheated, yahknow?
All I can say is staying at River Ridge had better be worth it... worth my childhood, worth half-losing my closest friends, worth losing myself.
River Ridge is a great school and all, but real positive influences are hard to come by, so I'm usually the one stuck influencing everyone else(which isn't a bad thing, but after two years, I still feel like a stranger.) I have friends, but they aren't close, and I don't know how to make them close. Everything is so confusing. I don't know what to do anymore... This had better be worth it.
